Detour

I almost can't remember a time when 

I could predict what would come next.

But, actually, if I think back far enough,

there were many years

when I did just that.

I guess my mind was trained towards that:

predicting the future,

and planning for what was predicted.

Even now, when my best guesses are

merely stabs in the dark,

I am addicted to a way of thinking

that anticipates the 'all clear',

the green light,

for the almighty

Plan.

I want to know what's what.

I want boundaries 

defined.

I am willing to sacrifice the now

in order to be assured

of 

what's next.

It doesn't make sense,

and the sacrifice is not 

worth it.

I am learning this slowly.

Addictions are hard- to- break

habits we depend on.

The hope, though, is this...

In what may seem like a perpetual holding pattern?

there are green lights.

They may not overlook the roads I thought they should.

They may illuminate a different course

altogether.

But they are yeses,

they are the clear signs declaring,

'This Way'.

What joy there is in being forced down the Detour,

only to find

it really was

the quickest path

to where you want to be.

~Maria